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In her new book, It’s Not Your Fault: The Subconscious Reasons We Self-Sabotage and How to Stop, trauma-informed coach Laura K. Connell describes five roles that children raised in dysfunctional families often assume and the learned behaviors that follow them into adulthood.

“You can do things as someone in one of these roles to heal yourself, and sometimes when you heal yourself, that can have a positive impact on the other people in your life, including dysfunctional family members,” Connell said in a recent interview. “It’s no guarantee, but it is going to help you deal with them better.”

Connell’s own upbringing in a dysfunctional family became the catalyst for her chosen profession. She spent 12 years studying the dynamics of dysfunctional families, and she learned that her habits of self-sabotage were her inner child’s way of keeping her safe — a misguided form of self-protection that prevents far too many people just like her from living their lives to the fullest potential.

In her new book, It’s Not Your Fault, Connell helps readers uncover the subconscious reasons they hold themselves back and explains that these blind spots were often created in childhood as coping mechanisms in response to trauma. But rather than teach tactics that ignore or give surface attention to adverse childhood events, Connell lovingly guides readers toward a deeper understanding of the ways in which these negative childhood experiences have impacted their lives and fed into the problem.

“Those who have been let down by traditional therapeutic techniques know that behavior modification doesn’t work for everyone,” she said. “Simply doing things differently while staying the same on the inside might help in the short term, but before long, old patterns emerge.”

Throughout her book, Connell walks alongside the reader as a trusted guide who has been where they are now. She provides the tools and anecdotal evidence to show readers how to overcome the pain of self-sabotage and create the lives they desire.

“We are sometimes our own worst enemies, sabotaging our success and with it our chance for lasting happiness,” she added. “Readers will be relieved to discover that it’s not a lack of willpower that has held them back, but a lack of self-knowledge instead.”

About the Author
Laura K. Connell is a trauma-informed author and coach who helps her clients uncover blind spots that lead to relationship struggles and self-sabotage. She writes about healing dysfunctional family dynamics at her website https://laurakconnell.com/.

Her guest articles have further reached millions through personal development websites Life Hack, Pick the Brain, Dumb Little Man, Thought Catalog, Highly Sensitive Refuge, the anthology Chicken Soup for the Soul, and national newspapers The Globe and Mail and Toronto Star. She hosts popular multi-speaker online retreats that have helped thousands heal from dysfunctional family trauma. She has been featured on podcasts such as The Love Fix, Adult Child and A Date with Darkness.

To learn more, visit https://laurakconnell.com/, or follow the author on Instagram (@laurak.connell) or Twitter (@laurakconnell).

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0757324738?tag=simonsayscom

It’s Not Your Fault: The Subconscious Reasons We Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Publisher: HCI Books
Release Date: September 12, 2023
ISBN-10: ‎0757324738
ISBN-13: ‎978-0757324734
Available on Amazon.com, BN.com and other online retailers


Reviews, photos, links to previous interviews and Q&As are available upon request.